The Stephen Harper "Hidden Agenda" Challenge

Now that the dust has settled, we are left to contemplate the results of this recent federal election – the third in four years. Surely there will be a great deal of discussion on the fates of the respective leaders, as well as the wisdom of the strategies they employed for various effects. Some will speculate on the future direction of the government, and, by extension, the relative congeniality among the assorted parties during this mandate.

These are not questions I would dwell upon as they will be answered for us in the fullness of time – whether it be a year, or two or three.

As a partisan, I am more concerned about what, despite being a theme of the last three elections, remains stubbornly unanswered. That is, the ‘secret agenda’ of Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party.

This ‘secret agenda’ is so secret that neither I, as a Tory constituency board member, nor any of my colleagues have ever been privy to it. Surprisingly, though, it is public enough that every Liberal and NDP candidate knows it intimately.

In frustration, I have attempted to ask these people for details of this sinister subtext, but am left with a string of anecdotes and observations united not by any coherent narrative, but simply by the sympathies of those who broadcast them.

As a rhetorical tactic, the allegation of a ‘secret’ or ‘hidden’ agenda is absolutely superb. Denying you have one is even more deadly that fessing up to it. Of course you would deny a ‘hidden agenda’ – after all, it’s hidden, silly. Denials are as much an admission of guilt as a confession.

In the Middle Ages, enterprising prosecutors had an ingenious device for identifying witches known as the dunking chair. You simply strapped the accused sorceror to the chair and submerged them in a pond for a period of time. If they survived, they were guilty, because how could you stay alive under water for so long without the benefit of the Dark Arts? On the other hand, if they hoisted your lifeless body from the depths, your next of kin could rest assured in the knowledge that you were innocent of the charge and your soul could pass through St. Peter’s pearly gates.

No one can accurately predict the future. I know not when the next election will be, or who will be leading the fight for what party. I don’t even know what defining issue will grab the imagination of the Canadian public. I am, however, pretty confident that the Conservative ‘hidden agenda’ will once again be resurrected to the light of day.

That is why I, for my own piece of mind, as much as for anyone else, would like to seek closure on this vexing issue. Just as rewards are offered for undisputable proof of Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster, I wish to offer $100 of my own money to the individual who offers clear and unassailable proof of the Tory ‘hidden agenda.’

My terms are simple. The evidence must be substantive, and well documented, and reach the same burden of proof that one would find in a court of law. Anyone wishing to make quick money by simply copying Liberal and New Democratic blogs and passing innuendo and suggestion for fact need not apply. Dates, times, references to individuals and actions must be both documented and support the broader narrative of a conspiracy for me to open my wallet.

So here it is, Canada. The challenge has been set, and the prize is there to be won.

If a winner is found, I will award the money in however public a fashion the recipient chooses.

If the challenge has not been met before the next election, however, I trust that the Tory ‘hidden agenda’ be filed with the Protocols of Zion and every other scurrilous conspiracy that serves only to slander without proof.